Where to start?

How about with tonight?

My cat died. I'm heartbroken.

I want to end it with a boy. I don't have the guts. It's easier to say nothing, he'll eventually hate me, they always do. Be mean, apathetic, unapologetic, everything i know will work.

I haven't wanted to cry like this in a while. Haven't been this sad in a while. Haven't lost anything i've loved this much in a while.

The silver lining? Too consumed with myself and everything i hate about where i am, i lose one of the things i love most about being here.