Who am I Anymore?

I always thought that when it came to relationships.. I'd be smarter than most.
That i wouldn't put up with anything that contributed to my unhappiness..
That I'd be strong enough to walk away and not look back.

That was before i fell for someone in a way that i promised myself i wouldn't.
I think maybe i maintained enough of that strong exterior.. that my love is comprimised every time i have to question his motives.
He no longer believe i love him... but his mentality is that he believes that i believe i do.. but i really don't..
He suddenly walks into the world i've been living in since the day he first said it to me.
I don't know if i've already said this.. but perhaps i still feel like because he's said it so many times, it's lost a lot of its meaning...
He didn't know me before..
He didn't know how closed off i was before him.
The very idea of loving someone.. .and actually saying it was something i didn't even want.
Do i tell him this?
Do i say to him.. well, it's not like i like loving you either... if i knew... i wouldn't have done it.
When is it too much?

I've become so possessive.
So untrusting..
So much like a typical pain in the ass girlfriend... i want to leave myself sometimes.

I thought it was resolved.
I had falling in love with him yet again.. cuz i thought it was safe to.
Then he comes at me telling me how to handle my feelings... how to deal with things... that my way is wrong and how he's upset with me about it.
Well why would i go to him?
It's always my fault because i'm crazy and over-emotional.
Sometimes outside perspectives helps to distinguish my own feelings.
I couldn't say any of that though.
I felt burned.
Betrayed.
I thought it was safe to let my feelings go outide and play.
And it takes so little for him to take that away.

I wish it was as it was in the beginning... when there wasn't this deep seeded love..
When walking away was an option.. because i knew what bullshit looked like when i saw it.