Wrong again....

Physically...incapable..of.. letting this go...
Perhaps i made my mind up about the wrong thing...
I feel clear headed for the first time in a long time.
Why do i have to want this soo bad?
Knowing how he feels.. or doesn't feel...
I don't know how to let this go.
Nothing in me wants to.
At the same time... if i could go back.. i don't know if i'd do this agian.
I stayed a million miles away from relationships out of fear for this very feeling.
I didn't want to be in love with anyone.
I didn't want to have to get out of that love either.
And now that that moment is here... i was right not to want it.
I would have rather been alone this whole time, than to have to do this.
But now that it is here...
Why can't i let it go knowing how ridiculous it is to stay so committed?
So committed to something that doesn't want me.
Admits to not wanting me.
When did i become so weak?
So impossible?
So stupid?

What's the point in making decisions if i always make the wrong one?