Ghost of relationships past.

Had a dream last night that threw me through the biggest loop.  I was 20 again.  He was there again.  But this time we were happy.  I was sweet and loving and couldn't get enough of him.  And we kissed and I held onto him like I knew we'd be 27 one day, and wouldn't even talk anymore.  It was as if I was reliving everything and doing it like I know now how I should've the first time.  It made me so sad to wake up.  To have to let go.  To see things how they could've been instead of only seeing things they way there really were.  I wasted that experience.  I wasted him.  It took me years to even realize I loved him.  To understand that he was the best thing for me.  That no one would ever love me like that again.  And in the worst riddle, I convinced myself to never take a chance cause I would lose him.  And if I'd known I was gonna lose him anyway, I would've made myself let go of the fear, and just do it.  And once upon a time I would've been able to tell him about this dream.  To talk about everything.  But there's nothing there anymore.  And that breaks my heart the most.  Especially knowing he doesn't even think about it.  That he's caught up in his happy world with someone else, and all I want is to have a burrito with him again and talk about anything and everything.  Instead I'm locked away.  without the freedom or option to create a change.  I'm stuck dreaming about another life.  And being only able to feel things that are stuck only in my head.  Things that are gone and that have moved on without me.